I'm so tired, really. I'm so sick of crying, really. I just want to stay at home and not doing anything. It feels like I'm falling into a dark pit hole. I'm all alone. I don't know who to believe in, and what to do anymore. I'm so so so tired I just want to end my life. I feel so sick of all these. I'm so tired of being me. I want to sleep and never wake up again. Why am I so useless. I don't even know who to tell all my secrets and pour all my troubles. I really need a break. I'm so tired of this. Really.
Hate ending all my days with a tear. Making my pillow all wet. I really dislike it. What can I do, really.
希望有人会了解我.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Sunday, March 27, 2011
#100factsaboutme
okay now twitter's trending #100factsaboutme so i'm gonna support it (:
1. i hate being ignored.
2. i'm scared of being forgotten.
3. i hate being replaced.
4. i'm constantly trying to pretend that i'm strong but i'm trying so hard not to let tears fall.
5. i love hugs.
6. i've always wanted to sleep and never wake up.
7. i adore cute guys :p (just like ahem)
8. i've always wanted to lead a simple, carefree life in a farm where i grow crops for living.
9. i wished i was taller.
10. i think it's sweet to see old couples walking on the streets together.
11. i love food.
12. i'm happy whenever i find out about the common interests i have with my friends.
13. i love my family, friends, and most importantly my daddy Jesus.
14. i think home is like a refuge to me because it's the only place where i can cry/scream/do anything without people making comments.
15. i trust people too easily so i often get hurt.
16. i love to look at the clouds as they reminds me of God's creation and man, they're beautiful.
17. i love the rain. i think it's calm and makes me happy.
18. i miss my childhood.
19. i like it when my best friends give me their fullest attention when i speak because i will feel that i'm important.
20. i want to open a retirement home for old folks home in the future.
21. i love my grandmother alot alot alot.
22. i miss my grandpa.
23. i'm very friendly, i don't bite.
24. english is my worst subject.
25. i love long bus rides, especially when i'm alone.
26. i love sitting on roller coasters.
27. i'm insecured, often feels inferior, and gets jealous super easily.
28. i prefer friendship over love.
29. i wished there was 48 hours a day.
30. there are so many things i want to do but i'm scared to do it.
31. i want a boyfriend whose cute, friendly, and has a sense of humour.
32. i have alot of things to say, but sometimes i'll just forget all about it.
33. i love flowers.
34. i love laced ribbons.
35. i'm a major hypocrite.
36. i'm afraid to fail.
1. i hate being ignored.
2. i'm scared of being forgotten.
3. i hate being replaced.
4. i'm constantly trying to pretend that i'm strong but i'm trying so hard not to let tears fall.
5. i love hugs.
6. i've always wanted to sleep and never wake up.
7. i adore cute guys :p (just like ahem)
8. i've always wanted to lead a simple, carefree life in a farm where i grow crops for living.
9. i wished i was taller.
10. i think it's sweet to see old couples walking on the streets together.
11. i love food.
12. i'm happy whenever i find out about the common interests i have with my friends.
13. i love my family, friends, and most importantly my daddy Jesus.
14. i think home is like a refuge to me because it's the only place where i can cry/scream/do anything without people making comments.
15. i trust people too easily so i often get hurt.
16. i love to look at the clouds as they reminds me of God's creation and man, they're beautiful.
17. i love the rain. i think it's calm and makes me happy.
18. i miss my childhood.
19. i like it when my best friends give me their fullest attention when i speak because i will feel that i'm important.
20. i want to open a retirement home for old folks home in the future.
21. i love my grandmother alot alot alot.
22. i miss my grandpa.
23. i'm very friendly, i don't bite.
24. english is my worst subject.
25. i love long bus rides, especially when i'm alone.
26. i love sitting on roller coasters.
27. i'm insecured, often feels inferior, and gets jealous super easily.
28. i prefer friendship over love.
29. i wished there was 48 hours a day.
30. there are so many things i want to do but i'm scared to do it.
31. i want a boyfriend whose cute, friendly, and has a sense of humour.
32. i have alot of things to say, but sometimes i'll just forget all about it.
33. i love flowers.
34. i love laced ribbons.
35. i'm a major hypocrite.
36. i'm afraid to fail.
PM ININ!
To my dearest 3J from Mayflower Sec.
by Insyirah Noor Abidin on Sunday, March 27, 2011 at 12:50am
"All the best for your O lvls next year. Remember, your response determines your desired outcome, plan your time wisely and always be realistic when setting your goals. Take care of Mdm Su and love every single person from 3J because you're all in this together. 'If you wanna fight, I'll be right beside you. The day that you fall, I'll be right behind you.' That's the camaraderie you should have.
'One team, one dream, one voice..3J!'
xoxo"
Thank you Pm InIn! all your words will be with us in our hearts for the rest of our lives! thanks for the jokes, songs and quotes you gave us because you really motivated me. God bless you in whatever you do and do well in your studies! we all love you PM! you'll always be in our hearts!
by Insyirah Noor Abidin on Sunday, March 27, 2011 at 12:50am
"All the best for your O lvls next year. Remember, your response determines your desired outcome, plan your time wisely and always be realistic when setting your goals. Take care of Mdm Su and love every single person from 3J because you're all in this together. 'If you wanna fight, I'll be right beside you. The day that you fall, I'll be right behind you.' That's the camaraderie you should have.
'One team, one dream, one voice..3J!'
xoxo"
Thank you Pm InIn! all your words will be with us in our hearts for the rest of our lives! thanks for the jokes, songs and quotes you gave us because you really motivated me. God bless you in whatever you do and do well in your studies! we all love you PM! you'll always be in our hearts!
Saturday, March 26, 2011
我不想被取代.
太多感触。不知道该从哪里说起
好想睡了永远不醒来。怕，真的
someone i don't know prayed for me today. to let go of my fear of being replaced. couldn't control my tears and it came trickling down.
why must i be so different from everybody else? why must i feel this way?
stop this regina
好想睡了永远不醒来。怕，真的
someone i don't know prayed for me today. to let go of my fear of being replaced. couldn't control my tears and it came trickling down.
why must i be so different from everybody else? why must i feel this way?
stop this regina
Friday, March 25, 2011
camp's over!
camp is great, pm(s) were awesome, trainers were funny, and classmates were hyper. only that i cant help but to feel a tinge of jealousy whenever i see you and her being together. and everytime when you walk past our class, you dont even bother finding me anymore. maybe i should just let the both of you man, since i cant control anyway.
camp's awesome, really. i enjoyed it so much. what really really sad was that i can't control my emotions. but overall, it was fun. mindfield, had so much fun rolling on the mud though it was so dirty. drills, tiring but awesome. 3J is really very hyper, hahaha. everybody was having fun. water tank, fun with the odds in register. got wet but it was awesome. all the games were awesome.
did so many success claps, got muscles alr, heheh, love the camp la. (: although it was tiring, it's fun. and for the performance night, 3J 'danced' Love Story - Taylor Swift and Chuanwei knelt down to me and the guys to the other girls. damn funny. screamed alot. but it was all worthwhile.
all these will stay in my heart, i might forget it but this camp really, really made a difference.
camp's awesome, really. i enjoyed it so much. what really really sad was that i can't control my emotions. but overall, it was fun. mindfield, had so much fun rolling on the mud though it was so dirty. drills, tiring but awesome. 3J is really very hyper, hahaha. everybody was having fun. water tank, fun with the odds in register. got wet but it was awesome. all the games were awesome.
did so many success claps, got muscles alr, heheh, love the camp la. (: although it was tiring, it's fun. and for the performance night, 3J 'danced' Love Story - Taylor Swift and Chuanwei knelt down to me and the guys to the other girls. damn funny. screamed alot. but it was all worthwhile.
all these will stay in my heart, i might forget it but this camp really, really made a difference.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
loss
seriously, it's enough ok. like it's fun crying every night over stupid stuffs. seriously ok. i can't be bothered alr ok. i should just jump off the building ok. my life sucks. i have nothing more to say. 2011 sucks. regina sucks.
i dont belong to anywhere, seriously. i dont even feel like going anywhere except home. it's the best place where i can cry my heart out and rant and hit and throw anything i want. i want my childhood back.
Monday, March 21, 2011
thepapercranes
"I’m the girl who tries to be nice to everyone then gets taken advantage of. I’m the girl who tries to look pretty and it’s never good enough. I’m the girl who acts like she’s happy then goes home and wishes to be gone. I’m the girl who takes harsh words, act like they’re nothing then goes home and cries. I’m the girl who tries to get her point across and could never find the right words. I’m the girl who has more depth to her then everyone thinks. I’m the girl who hides from the harsh eyes. I’m the girl who wouldn’t care if you gave me a shitty gift as long as you thought of me. I’m the girl that prays that someone will finally understand. I’m the girl that gets happy over the little things. I’m the girl that people misinterpret."
- @thepapercranes
- @thepapercranes
yuling.
"if you meant something in someone's heart, you can't be easily replaced. in ours, you never will be" - @pandaflyfly.
thank you yuling, i love you.
kill me.
sigh. term 2. band, band and more band. i'm so tired already. need to stop dozing off in the band room and need to start focusing. i doubt my seniors like me, but well i cant be bothered. i need to keep myself awake already, in band in class or whatever. it's term 2 alr. endure reg. just april and this few days left. gotta work hard.
but seriously, i've been wondering. what if all these hard work doesn't pay off? what if we get bronze back? work harder reg. mayflower concert band, we must. at least get our silver.
stressed. like seriously. god please relieve all the stress. i'm going to die soon.
dont be complacent regina. it wont do you any good.
midnight.
yuling's right. i should trust that she wont replace me in anybody's heart. i need some sugar rush. inferiority goes down, confidence goes up, hyperness goes up, jealousy goes down.
omg isabelle why are we so alike.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
不完美
term 2 - study, study, study, and more study. syf's coming up soon. stress stress and more stress. well, i certainly do hope that band will get gold this time since it's going down after this year. jiayou mayflower concert band! we can do it we can do it!
i hope i'll be able to do well for term 2. i dont want to disappoint my mom any further.
things are way beyond my control now. how i wish i could stop doing caring about how others look at me and be myself.
off to bed, long day tomorrow. 明天会更好(:
i hope i'll be able to do well for term 2. i dont want to disappoint my mom any further.
things are way beyond my control now. how i wish i could stop doing caring about how others look at me and be myself.
off to bed, long day tomorrow. 明天会更好(:
I feel so tired.
I just feel like, sleeping and never wake up again. i'm so sick of life. i'm so sick of myself. i need a break, really. i dont even feel like doing anything. all i want to do now is to go home. go home and sleep, and try to make myself happy again. i'm so tired of this. i dont know who am i anymore. i dont even feel like myself. what is this? god please help me. i dont want to become like this forever. i need my faith back. i need my motivation back. i want regina back. i dont like this. oh god, please. i need you. i need to lean on you.
i need mommy more than anything else now. mommy, where are you. i just want to lie on you and cry all i want.
Saturday, March 19, 2011
there's no greater love than this.
i love you jesus. thank you so much.
yeah, the feeling of replaced sucks to the max. but where do i go from here? i can't do anything yeah. but well, life goes on. insecurity sucks yes but nothing's gonna bring me down from this moment because well i have Jesus in my life. yes it's gonna take some time before i become more secured but meanwhile stay tune okay (: it's gonna be a major change in regina tan pei woon's life. hehehe, Jesus will help me. it's a fact for sure.
anw, i made a new friend today in dad's cousin's house. her name's rebecca and she's a christian too (: she's in jc this year and we both shared about our testimonies and she went 'wow, god really work in different ways'. yeah i agree that too! (:
and yuling's birthday celebration was a blast, hehehe. watched 2 movies in a row and i really enjoyed it! there's many complains as the day past but thank god i managed not to rage at anybody except isabelle at the night ): sorry belle. and i love you. you'll never be replaced ok. ^^
cheerup sharon! life goes on girl!
i need my confidence back.
yeah, the feeling of replaced sucks to the max. but where do i go from here? i can't do anything yeah. but well, life goes on. insecurity sucks yes but nothing's gonna bring me down from this moment because well i have Jesus in my life. yes it's gonna take some time before i become more secured but meanwhile stay tune okay (: it's gonna be a major change in regina tan pei woon's life. hehehe, Jesus will help me. it's a fact for sure.
anw, i made a new friend today in dad's cousin's house. her name's rebecca and she's a christian too (: she's in jc this year and we both shared about our testimonies and she went 'wow, god really work in different ways'. yeah i agree that too! (:
and yuling's birthday celebration was a blast, hehehe. watched 2 movies in a row and i really enjoyed it! there's many complains as the day past but thank god i managed not to rage at anybody except isabelle at the night ): sorry belle. and i love you. you'll never be replaced ok. ^^
cheerup sharon! life goes on girl!
i need my confidence back.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
look how much i've grown
when i was young
primary 2
secondary 2
went through all of the old pictures i had in my phone today and realised that i LOVED to zilian last time. -__- disgusting, lol. okay, anw, found many of my photos when i was young. cute right! :p hehehe
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
OCTOBER - HOTTIE
Trustworthy and loyal. Very passionate and dangerous. Wild at times. Knows how to have fun. Sexy and mysterious. Everyone is drawn towards your inner and outer beauty and independent personality. Playful, but secretive. Very emotional and temperamental sometimes. Meets new people easily and very social in a group. Fearless and independent. Can hold their own. Stands out in a crowd. Essentially very smart. Usually, you ever begin a relationship with someone from this month, hold on to them because their one of a kind.
- @xuannnny.blogspot.com
most of them are true, especially the emotional and temperamental part. well... (:
- @xuannnny.blogspot.com
most of them are true, especially the emotional and temperamental part. well... (:
Sunday, March 13, 2011
summer love
have you ever felt that way? things are becoming from bad to worst, and it's all due to jealousy. everything is beyond my control. and i really don't like what's happening right now. yes, i'm selfish and i hate sharing things. i don't know what happened to me anyway, but i want the old me to be back.
regina, you need to start living as YOU YOURSELF. it's not going to be better if you're trying to become like others, because everyone is special in their own way, and you know no matter how much you try, you wont be the same as them. so learn to grow up, regina tan. it's time for you to learn. let go. it wont help you in anyway. grow up. you need to.
i really hope the spirit in me will continue to stay inside because i never want to feel jealous/inferior anymore. god, help me. guide me. i need you.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
regina
i always feel this way, i don't know why. i'm crying like mad now. i don't know why all these happened to me. i hate myself to the max, really. only isabelle seems to understand me right now since she's my twin. and i hate myself for finding it hard to accept my own flaws. isabelle pointed out everything that i wanted to tell her all along. kudos to you twin. i hate accepting that. changes, it sucks. i don't like that feeling of being replaced, i hate trying to please everyone and trying to suck-up to them, i hate being a hypocrite. i just hate myself.
yulong asked me where's the old regina. i told him that she's dead. yes, because nothing i do will help to make me feel better. every single thing makes me feel like crying (i know you know that isabelle) i just hate all these shit, really. people, please understand me. i doubt you'd even try but i'm really.............. ugh, nevermind. god, help me. i'm so tired of all these.
i'm not thinking straight. fuck my life. hank god for my twin. she's the best at making me CRY. but i love her so much. thank you isabelle. there's no words i can use to express my gratitude, but i love you okay. i'm so glad we're the same.
god, help me.
yulong asked me where's the old regina. i told him that she's dead. yes, because nothing i do will help to make me feel better. every single thing makes me feel like crying (i know you know that isabelle) i just hate all these shit, really. people, please understand me. i doubt you'd even try but i'm really.............. ugh, nevermind. god, help me. i'm so tired of all these.
i'm not thinking straight. fuck my life. hank god for my twin. she's the best at making me CRY. but i love her so much. thank you isabelle. there's no words i can use to express my gratitude, but i love you okay. i'm so glad we're the same.
god, help me.
FML.
jj's concert was totally awesome. i promised to blog about it but not now, since i'm feeling so down.
maybe i should just jump off the building. perhaps then everything will be fine. everybody will live better without me, i'm not needed here anyway. it doesn't make a difference. i'm so screwed tonight. there's so many wrong things, wrong decisions that i've made. i need some quiet time with you, god.
take me away please, i hate living. it sucks to be me.
maybe i should just jump off the building. perhaps then everything will be fine. everybody will live better without me, i'm not needed here anyway. it doesn't make a difference. i'm so screwed tonight. there's so many wrong things, wrong decisions that i've made. i need some quiet time with you, god.
take me away please, i hate living. it sucks to be me.
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Happy #200.
venice's so beautiful~
YAY IT'S MY 200TH POST. HAHAHA.
I'm falling in love with Taeyang's voice, how awesome. (:
heading for a bathe then off to meet @thjunie for the awesomest JJ Lin's concert.
hello my love, see you at 8pm.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
我真的好累哦
I don't know how to go from here. I'm disappointed in my common tests results. Or maybe I should've expected it a long time ago that I'll fail. I shouldn't have any expectations for myself.
希望越大，失望越大
I suck at everything. I can't even play the saxophone well. Always out of tune, picked by Mr Tan. Hi I don't know if you know this but I have feelings okay. I know I suck, but seriously, do you need to embarrass me? And why are you always picking on me/zhaoyi?
And friendship. Sigh i don't know.
I miss 2D. I feel like crying. I am crying.
I say I'm fine. I'm not.
希望越大，失望越大
I suck at everything. I can't even play the saxophone well. Always out of tune, picked by Mr Tan. Hi I don't know if you know this but I have feelings okay. I know I suck, but seriously, do you need to embarrass me? And why are you always picking on me/zhaoyi?
And friendship. Sigh i don't know.
I miss 2D. I feel like crying. I am crying.
I say I'm fine. I'm not.
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