PINK.

FUCKING PERFECT

你知道我会有多难过

有时候我在想,如果我不活在这个世界上,那么世界会变的更美丽吗?

爷爷,我好想你.

danielle chua, you know how much i love you.

hey danielle. there's so many things i want to tell you.

i'm sorry for being such a lousy friend, really. i can't believe i became like that. i don't even know who am i anymore. and yes, sorry for the times where i pretended that i care, and pretended that i love you. i'm really sorry and thank you for forgiving me okay. it's just recently when my morale went down and when i felt inferior and jealous. i can't believe i'm jealous of you, really. maybe i was all these while. and yes, from pastor eugene's sermon about grumbling, i realised i was grumbling all these while. no matter what i do i'll grumble. especially when i'm with you, because you make me feel small and tiny and it's like i don't mean anything. and i know it's wrong to think this way. so finally i woke up and learnt that i should be myself. anyway, no matter how much i wish/hope to be you, i'm still regina. so what's the point anyway. wouldn't i be better off being myself?

and yes, you know how much i love you kay. all the four of you mean to me the most. and please know that i'm always here. you can sms me/call me anytime you want okay. i'm just 8 numbers away. cheerup alright, i know it's hard. but you know you have to stay strong, my dear. everything will be fine in the end. and remember to take good care of your grandma. i love you okay. (:

and yes, this applies to all the other three. yuling, isabelle, zhiqi, i'm just 8 numbers away. you can definitely call/sms me anytime. i wont give the best advice but i can lend you my ear. i love all of you.

cheer up my dear danielle. i love you.

-

i need to get back on my feet.

我知道

i did badly for all my common tests this term. only regret? not studying harder.

today, miss mok told us that she hoped we entered 3j because of our abilities and not because we're hardworking. i'm not smart, i'm hardworking last year and not now. i really need to buck up. sometimes i really really feel like giving up.

tears cant stop flowing. after amaths test today, the stress was unbearable that i started crying. i need help, badly. i dont feel like i'm in 3j, really. it's not whether i'm being optimistic/pessimistic. i really cant do it.

i need a kit kat.

"take a break, have a kit kat."

yes, indeed, i need a break. from everything.

and so,

and so, i need to learn how to shut the fuck up and keep all my thoughts/feelings/opinion to myself because no one will feel the same anymore. everybody moved on, except you regina and you know you have to. it's not 2010 anymore. it's 2011. stop thinking that youre in 2d.

and to you: i dont think you'll be reading but still, you asked whether we can be like the past or not and i replied no. i didn't know the answer till just now - we dont have the same stand anymore. you know it.

i really dont want to hate you.

please.

"Someday you'll get tired of chasing everyone and trying to fix everything. It's not giving up. It's realizing that you don't need their crap." - via @YoursUniquely

tell me. what's the problem. somehow, i don't feel the same anymore. i don't know who to trust. it's like i'm living in a world full of deceit. and i don't like it. really. help me, god.

tell me why.

why does everything seem to be like my fault. seriously.

i shall not grumble. i shall not grumble. i shall not grumble. i hope i can do it. help me, lord. for you're the only one that can help me. make me into a better person.

me.

i just want to be a little better, a little smarter, a little nicer, a little friendlier, a little more confidence, a little cuter, a little prettier.

i just need to be a little better. a better person.

i don't like this. i really hate it. there's many things going on.

like what i've said, i never expected all these to happen, especially during this period. you should obviously know that i treasure you more than anything else. and it's true, it's mushy but i'm speaking my mind. i know i'm a major hypocrite and a failure in whatever other shits but i'm not joking about this. i hope you'll know this, my dear friend over here. i don't know if you're going to read about this or not. but i really treasure everything we had together and i don't like what's happening now. it's like, we totally forgotten the promise we made to each other. what's this, i don't like it. i really don't.

we should've known.

what happened to you?

i want the old you back. yes you regina tan, change back please. the new you still sucks.

愛來來去去走走停停無論多小心,

hello, i know i've changed. because i've moved on. and, you should too.

and isabelle i love you. really. be happy okay. you're the best. don't despise/look down on yourself, seriously, it wouldn't help you at all. you need to stop feeling this way because i know you can do this. remember? we're all in this together. and don't freaking drop poa (i heard from dan) because poa is fun (i think) love you k.

please.

hello regina, please be more like jj and choi sooyoung k, they're so generous and unselfish, unlike you. please change. it's disgusting seeing you like that.

i can't stand myself anymore.

#disneywords

Learning how to smile again. Free to show my heart. Knowing I can face the things that used to seem too hard. –Brother Bear 2

hi my love.

be thankful already.

stop asking for more, regina. you've got everything you wished for. so stop being such a pitywhore and stop fucking seeking attention. you know what? even if you're not tired of being such a pitywhore, i am. and i'm YOU. so please just shut the fuck up and keep your fucking mouth shut.

to my brain: hello you fucking bitch stop saying that you'll drift with them cus you fucking wont kay. you've gone through so much with them so please stop all these shit. seriously it's a pain in my ass being sad just cus you're thinking this way. stop all these attention seeking by being emo you think very fun isit.

omg i feel like laughing after seeing what i've posted. this is retarded. maybe the old regina is coming back.

the five of us.

i seriously don't know what's going on now. what's with all this. the promise we made. i should've known that it's all going to be like that. everyone's just busy doing their stuffs and they can't be bothered. seriously okay. i want to go back to 2D okay. fuck this shit okay. seriously. this sucks. i can't help but feel insecured when i'm with anyone of you.

fuck la can my day be any better.

i'm speaking each and every word in sarcasm and i don't like it okay. wtf is wrong. fuck insecurity. it sucks. i want us to be the same as before. i don't like this. i don't want jealousy or sensitivity or whatever shit to come between us. fuck please. god please.